This post is from a guest blogger, Molli, and we’re really glad to have heard from her. People in our lives often let us down in unanticipated ways, and adoptive families are not an exception. How do you feel when people are not living up to their end of the deal? Is it a different feeling than when it happens with a family member or close friend?
When I made the decision to give my little girl up in 1999, it was very difficult. I went over lots and lots of family albums with my social worker. There were so many families to chose from and so many different options — religion, open/closed adoption, pictures every year or every 6 months, other kids or no kids, etc.
Then I finally found the perfect family. The choice I made I was happy with. Religion, pictures etc. In the beginning, I had built a pretty good relationship with the adopting parents. They came to a couple of the doctor visits and also came to the hospital to see me when I had given birth to their new baby daughter. The first year I had received letters and pictures every 6 months. I had even received a wonderful heart locket.
But as the last few years have passed, it seems as if they just don’t have the time to sit down and choose a few pictures and write a letter to me. It’s like pulling teeth to get it. I just don’t understand. I mean we bless this family and give them the most wonderful gift ever, and they can’t even keep their long term commitment with me, the birth mom. All it takes is 1 hour every 6 months. Not too much to ask for.
I don’t want to look at it as a a bad decision. I know she is well taken care of, but they are leaving me no option. A promise is a promise. Please help me to understand this situation.
Talisa sent us this post describing her positive experience planning for her daughter’s adoption and asking others to share their experiences.
I know that making the decision to go through with an adoption is hard. I know it was hard for me; just for the fact that I had to say good-bye to my little girl. I know that it takes a strong and mature person to do it, and everyone who supports me with my adoption has told me that.
My adoption plan is open adoption, and I am proud to say that I love how everything is going for me with my adoption plan. I know that I was depressed for a good two or more weeks about doing the adoption, but with all the support that I was getting, it helped me realize that things happen for a reason, and that the family I chose to take care of her and call her their own is more than just the adoptive parents. To me, they’re like family, and I couldn’t be happier with them. Being the birth mother made me realize that even though I went through with the adoption, it just goes to show how I was thinking about what’s best for my daughter.
So therefore my question for those who have, or are in the process of going through with an adoption, how do you feel going through the whole process from the beginning to the end?
About a year ago the domestic adoption team at Adoptions Together started talking about creating a blog for several different reasons. This discussion was ongoing — and after some planning, and lots of adoption plans, we finally found some time to make the site a reality. We hope this blog will:
Provide a safe place for birth parents to talk honestly about the ins and outs of making an adoption plan.
Provide information and support for women and men who are thinking about adoption as an option for their family.
Provide support for birth parents from Adoptions Together who cannot meet in supportive groups due to financial, transportation or other challenges.
Provide links to resources that may be helpful to all members of the adoption experience.
To challenge stereotypes about adoption created by television and movies.
We will use several authors, mainly adoption counselors at Adoptions Together, to create posts that generate discussions. Hopefully we will also have posts by birth parents and perhaps adoptive families who want to share their experiences. We welcome and encourage comments on all posts, but reserve the rights to take down any comments that are disrespectful.