Considering Adoption for an Older Baby or Toddler

Mother holding toddler while pointing at something in the distance

Most of the phone calls we get are from women who are pregnant or who recently delivered a baby.  Occasionally, we hear from mothers whose babies are already a few months – or even a year or two – old.  Usually, the women who call us about placing an older baby or child actually considered adoption early on but ended up deciding to parent instead. Often, their change of heart involved promises of help from family members and friends. If those promises don’t work out as planned, these mothers sometimes end up calling us again a few weeks or months later when they are not getting the support they need and they’re feeling overwhelmed. They are often so panicked that they will ask us on the phone whether we can come take the baby that very day.

As we start working with these clients, many of them realize that they might actually want help figuring out how to get some support so they can continue parenting. Sometimes it’s enough just to show their family members how desperate they are feeling by letting them know they’ve scheduled a meeting with an adoption counselor. Other times they need us to meet with them so they can figure out how explain to others that they’re at the end of their rope and need help.

After all, parenting is hard, especially without support from family members or friends. In a moment of crisis, adoption might seem like the only way to go.  Adoptions Together counselors are happy to talk to you about whether adoption is right for you, and you may find in working with us that what you actually need is help exploring resources. Making an adoption plan when your baby is older is much more difficult than placing them as a newborn (and infant placement is hard enough already!). Not only have you already been nurturing your baby for weeks or months, but your family members also know and love the baby, and often the birth father does, too. If you decide in the end that adoption is just too difficult, that’s okay.

And if adoption is ultimately what you want, then of course we will help guide you through that process. We trust all women to know what’s best for them and clients whose babies are a little bit older are no exception. We also understand how difficult it is to realize that the path you chose isn’t working for you, and we take that very seriously.

Please note that if you are feeling so desperate and/or out of control that you fear you may hurt yourself or your baby, help is available right away. Call 911 so that someone can make sure you and your baby remain safe.

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