The Worst Thing to Say to a Birth Parent


You’ve probably heard it a million times.

“I could never give my baby up for adoption!”

Not only is it a ridiculous thing to say (because how do they know that? Unless they’ve had to actually consider it at some point, they have no idea what they’d do in that situation) but it’s also flat-out mean! It implies that there is something wrong with birth parents, as though good people are simply incapable of making adoption plans.

That’s ridiculous! As Jill’s friend Tamra once said, “If I’d loved my baby just an ounce less, I would have kept her. I placed her because I love her.” When a birth parent chooses adoption, they put themselves through one of the most difficult emotional, spiritual, and physical ordeals a person can endure, usually because they feel it is what’s right for their child. How could a person’s willingness to experience a deep and profound loss in order to ensure their child’s well-being possibly be selfish?

Adoption isn’t for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with someone deciding they cannot place their child for adoption. But as a birth parent, you know that making an adoption plan is sometimes the most unselfish, loving choice a parent can make for their child. So the next time someone declares to you that they “could never give up” their baby, remind yourself what it means that you did choose adoption for your child. Remember the reasons why you made your decision. Because at the end of the day, no one really knows what they’d have done in your shoes, and no pregnancy decision is selfish if it feels right to the person making it.

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