Today we share with you a letter written by Juliana Whitney, who was adopted as a newborn and has maintained a relationship with both of her biological parents and many of their family members. We asked Juliana to write about what she, as an adoptee, thought birth parents should know. For more by Juliana Whitney, visit www.ThatAdoptedGirl.com.
Dear Birth Parents,
How are you? I miss you. I can only hope that you miss me too. Do you wonder what I’m doing? I wonder what you are doing everyday. I wonder what your personalities are like and what traits of mine are similar to yours. I have this goofy laugh that I’m sure comes from one of you. There’s no way I just came up with it all on my own.
I wonder if you love me still, because I love you. Even though we haven’t been together to build a relationship, it’s like somewhere deep inside my heart knows you, and loves you truly. I like to think that your heart feels the same way.
I know you were probably sad when you gave me to my parents, but you knew you were doing the right thing. I know you probably worry that I will be mad at you, or that I will be sad and hurt. I’m not mad at you. I understand your decision. If you thought my life would be better off this way, I will trust that you were right. As for sad and hurt, of course I’m sad and hurt. It’s only natural to be sad. But my sadness doesn’t take away from the amazing family I have and it doesn’t take away from how grateful I am that you loved me so much that you gave me to parents who could give me the life you thought I deserved. The life you couldn’t provide. That takes a lot of courage and I will be forever grateful to you for having that courage.
Your courage got me to where I am now and I am actually doing really well in this family you chose for me. I am super loved and anytime I face a struggle, my family is here to support me. I hope that you have the same kind of love in your life. Whatever it is that you are doing, I hope that you are loved and that you are happy. You are allowed to be happy. You might know that, I just worry that you will feel guilty about giving me up and that could make it difficult for you to be happy. There’s no need to feel guilty. I’m ok. Don’t worry. Yes, my separation from you left a wound but everyone has some type of wound. You and I share our wound. Our separation is our wound. Luckily, over time wounds can heal. They leave scars so you’ll never forget them, but at least they heal.
I hope you never forget me because I will never forget you. Even though I have never met you, I will think about you for the rest of my life, probably everyday for the rest of my life. I hope that you think of me too. And when you think of me, do so with pride. Do so knowing that you did something positive for me and for my parents. Do so not with guilt, not with shame, but with joy. Just as much as you don’t want to be the cause of my sadness, I don’t want to be the cause of yours either. Ok?
The reality is that maybe I will see you again, but maybe I won’t. Whatever the case may be, just know that my heart will never forget you and at least a little part of me will always miss you.
Love always and forever,
Your sweet child