Not Every Woman Wants to Be a Mother


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We’re getting annoyed.

We recently wrote about the anti-adoption community and explained that we actually agree on multiple issues: that we, too, are troubled by coercive for-profit adoption businesses and that we know that adoption is often a “Band Aid” solution to the much larger problem of women not having the resources they need to be able to parent when they want to.

So why were we annoyed when we saw yet another anti-adoption article pop up on our newsfeed? Because along with the totally valid argument that women should not be denied access to the financial and social support they need to parent, we keep running into the assumption that every birth mother wishes she could parent. And this is simply not true.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: There are as many reasons to choose adoption as there are birth mothers. It is definitely true that many women choose adoption because they feel that they can’t parent for financial reasons, and that our society needs to do more to remedy this problem. But it is also true that some women do not want to parent – and that is perfectly okay.

It is very difficult for our society, which places so much value on motherhood, to accept that not all women want desperately to be mothers. Many of them do, and it’s important that we support them, but you know what’s also important? Women doing what they feel is right for them. Every woman has the right to be emotionally healthy and happy and to create the life she wants for herself. Sometimes, parenting one or more children is not a part of that picture.

We’re tired of seeing all birth mothers lumped into one single category. Each woman is an individual with her own life, dreams, goals, and hardships. It is time to stop assuming that all women were “born to be mothers” and to start recognizing that women are complex human beings who are capable of making their own choices. It is time to start trusting women to think about what they want in life and to make decisions that are right for them. It is time to recognize that adoption can be not only a way of taking care of a baby but a way of taking care of yourself, and that taking care of yourself is just as important.

Tell us about your reasons for choosing adoption in the comments section below!

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