The first visit

The First Visit
by Jenn M.

I visited you for the first time last week.
I couldn't have been more excited
But I was so nervous and so unsure.

Would everything be ok?
Would people ask questions?
What if someone made the connection?
What if I said the wrong thing?
What if I couldn't leave?

Your parents are such great people.
They let me hold you,
And hug you,
And love you,
A much as I wanted.

I helped change you,
And dress you.
And feed you.

The visit was perfect.
We took pictures,
We talked,
We laughed,
I cried;
Just perfect.

Would everything be ok?

I came across this poem as I recently took part in a "first visit" with a first-mom that is particularly close to my heart and it got me to thinking about this very difficult milestone…the first visit after placement…these visits often happen anywhere from a few weeks to a few months after placement and can be especially difficult for mom's who are still coming to terms with their adoption…I think this experience is different for every person, as every adoption is different. One common piece of advice that I've heard from several first-moms who have been through this, is don't feel guilty, be where you are and ask for what you need.  Rely on people you trust to give feedback and to help you balance the needs of the adoptive parents with yours…most importantly be patient with yourself, it's common that this experience will re-open some of your previous wounds and prepare yourself that saying goodbye might be hard for you…

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