Dear all birthmoms,
Hi! My name is Katherine and I'm a birthmom. I placed my baby boy for adoption in september 2005. I already know if you're reading this you're at a point where you're not sure what to do. I know because i felt the same way; all you want is the best for both you and your baby! This was one of the hardest and most unselfish decisions i ever had to make. But it was the best one.
Here's my story: i'm 21 years old, i already have a 2 year old son, christopher. He's what i live for everyday. I don't have any help from his father at all; i have been his mommy and daddy from day one! It's very hard to be a single mom trying to provide for yourself and your child.
I struggle everyday to give my son everything that he needs and some of what he wants. At times i will go without what i need so he can have what he needs. The day i found out i was pregnant i was scared. I didn't know what i was going to do. I knew at this point in my life i couldn't provide for another child. I started to cry and didn't stop for a couple of hours. When i got myself together i made a phone call to my boyfriend at the time. As soon as he heard the word pregnant came out of my mouth things changed forever. I told him i was considering abortion and he told me to do whatever i want to do. After that day i never talked to him again. It was like he fell off the face of the earth. His phone was disconnected and his friends wouldn't tell me anything! That's when reality hit me and i knew i was on my own again! I kept thinking about abortion, but deep down in my heart i knew i couldn't do that. Even though i couldn't provide and raise this child i still loved him very much. Later on that day i started looking on the internet for some help. I picked an adoption agency and I immediately called and there was someone to talk to me right then; i didn't have to wait.
My birthmom counselor listened to everything i had to say. Then she explained the whole process to me and answered all my questions. She was a very kind and understanding woman. She is who helped me stay strong by always letting me know i was a wonderful and unselfish person. Soon after i did my paperwork and counseled some more it was time to choose a family to raise my baby. Honestly i thought it would be very difficult to decide who would be loving, caring and patient parents for my baby. I wanted a family who would want to participate in the birth and be with me throughout my pregnancy. It didn't take long. In fact, as soon as i saw brett and martha i knew they would be perfect parents! I talked to them on the phone soon after i made my decision. They were such a nice and understanding couple. I also can say i was never pushed in to doing anything. Everything always went the way i wanted it to. I talked to brett and martha at least once a week after that. When i was 7 months pregnant, we decided to meet in person. We hit it off immediately. They took me out to eat and they were great with my son christopher. I can definitely say i was comfortable knowing they would be raising my baby.
Well, 2 months went by and it was getting close to my due date. I woke up in the middle of the night having contractions. At first i didn't know that was what they were but i quickly realized!!! I hurried to the hospital making phone calls to my birthmom counselor and adoptive couple. Brett and martha got in their car immediately and drove to get to me and the baby. They really wanted to be there when he was born but unfortunately i had to have a c-section before they got there. As soon as they did get to hospital we were all joined in my hospital room. I was able to help feed the baby and change his diapers and hold him close to me as much as i could. The whole time brett and martha were very supportive in letting me help with anything i wanted to.
48 hours later when it was time to sign the papers i had a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes. Every time i looked up at how happy brett and martha looked holding the baby i knew i was doing the right thing. Adoption is a wonderful loving gift. I wont lie, it was very hard to see and touch my baby knowing he wasn't coming home with me. But i wouldn't change it for the world. I think if i did it any other way i would have regrets.
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't love your baby or your taking the easy way out. They don't know how hard it is to be unselfish at a time like this; you're doing this because you love your baby very much and you want the very best for him or her. Always remember your not alone you have your birthmom counselor there whenever you need to talk. Trust me i know!!!
It's been 2 months now and my adoptive family has already sent me a very cute picture album and some pictures to go in it. I've talked to them once and heard my baby making cooing sounds in the background. Martha told they talk about me everyday to him. I hope my story has helped you understand that adoption is wonderful and special and you are a great and unselfish woman for considering it. Please keep your head up and stay strong for you and your baby. Trust in god and everything will work out. There is power in prayer, god listens.
God bless you, Katherine
My Dear, Sweet Brendan,
Hey there, sweet boy. This is your birth mother, Alicia, writing you a letter to tell you how special and dear you are to me. You can never know the love that I have deep inside my heart and soul for you, and I hope that some day, I will be able to tell you this while holding you in my arms. It saddens me so much that I am not able to be a big part of your every day life, watching you learn about the world and discovering all the joys and hardships life has to offer. At the same time, I want you to know that I have done my best in finding these two wonderful angels who will be there in my place to guide you and protect you and love you for me.
Michael and Greta are my personal angels, Brendan, and I need to express to you that there were no better parents that I could find for you. I knew from the very beginning that they could and would love you just as much, if not more, than I could and that they can provide you with all the things that I couldn't, or that I would struggle so hard to provide for you. I have such big hopes and dreams for you and your future, Brendan. I see baseball games and amusement parks, family gatherings and picnics, proms, dates and college. Not to mention lots and lots of people who, before you were even born, were praying for you and loving you. I know that you will be blinded with love every day of your life. This makes me so extremely happy.
Today you are four days old. We parted company for the first time in nine months yesterday. The last few months I have tried and tried to sit down and write you a letter to explain to you why I've made the decision I did, but I just couldn't. I don't know how to put into words just how lost I felt in the very beginning, how from the first moment I found out I was pregnant that I loved you and wanted you and would do anything I could to ensure that you had a happy, healthy, loving life. During all this I was struggling with your two brothers, Trevor and Taylor, alone and scared, everyday struggling to pay bills and work and go to school and give them the love that they so desperately needed and still, at the end of the day, having Trevor ask me why his daddy doesn't like him or come for bike rides with him, asking when he can have new shoes because his feet hurt and asking if he can have just a little more food 'cause I'm still hungry.' Taylor, being so little and sick with his asthma all the time and needing extra love and attention and having to sleep with me, his mom, because he doesn't have his own bed. All these things every day and me wondering if I'll ever be able to make just a little bit extra each month so that I can start putting away for their future, maybe to send just one to college? And that's if we never try to save up for a car or a house. Me, just always trying so hard to make a life for my babies, my sweet boys who love me so, so much and at the end of the day going to bed knowing that at least they know that I LOVE THEM TOO. Love is all that matters, right? And then back to you. Just starting to form, a little heart beat deep inside my belly, and me having all those expectations of wanting to do everything right for you. Needing to do everything right for you.
Brendan, you need to know that I thought of all of my options thoroughly, I even thought about working three jobs, putting you in daycare right away – even if you saw me only an hour a day, at least I could tell you, as I do Trevor and Taylor that I love you so that you would know. But then I took a hard look at Trevor and Taylor. Yes, they know that their mama loves them, but they have had such hard little lives – moving all the time, daycare ten hours a day, not having a good relationship with their father and sometimes having to go to bed a little hungry because my paycheck is still two days away. They are only two and four years old, but they are already having to deal with grown up situations every day. I could not do this to yet another child. So, this is why I chose to find people that could give you everything that I hoped and wished and prayed that I would one day be able to offer my children. A mom AND a dad. Financial security. No daycare. NO worries other than that of being a normal child. And of course, lots and lots of family and LOVE.
This brings me to Michael and Greta. I knew as soon as I talked to them for the first time that they were the ones. Greta is so open and loving and educated and smart. She has a sense of humor very close to my own and has a sense of calmness and openness that I instantly related to. With Michael, I got the impression right away that he would make the kind of father that I always wished Trevor and Taylor had. Sensitive, compassionate, loving, funny and masculine all at the same time. He's not afraid to cry when he needs to cry, and his family is always number one. They both fulfill my dreams of what I some day hope to become.
I had the pleasure of being there for the first two days of Michael and Greta's new life as parents. I got to see them hold you and love you and learn to care for you. I watched them become sleep deprived because you didn't want to be put down at night, learning how to change you without getting pooped or peed on, figuring out when you needed to be burped, and I got to listen to them talk to you when they thought I was sleeping or not paying attention – telling you how much they love you and, oh God Brendan, just the look of absolute adoration and love that they hold in their eyes for you is just like looking into the eyes of God as he looks down upon us, his children.
Sweet, sweet baby boy, please always know that every day of your life I will think of you and love you. Each day of my life, I will wonder what you are doing and how you are feeling and praying for you to always feel love. Every March 22nd will be so special to me, and you can bet that I will find my own way of celebrating your birth. I want you to know that my door is always open to you, should you decide to meet me and Trevor and Taylor. I would never turn away from you. You will always be my son.
I love you Brendan.