I am fascinated with how people choose an adoptive family when they go forward with an adoption. I can debate about decisions to the point of paralysis – I'm just sitting on the fence going nowhere until someone forces a decision upon me. This decision is huge, and it can be a difficult and emotional one. What makes a connection through pictures and a letter?
I want every person to have the opportunity to plan for the adoption they want. In the last couple months, I've worked with several people who have made adoption plans with me before. They are pregnant again and need to go forward with adoption. Sometimes people have a strong desire to place siblings together – they want their children to have that biological connection connection. But just as many times, people want to choose another family who has no children. There is something about the "blessing" of adoption that feels right to them, or they would prefer their child be the only child for as long as possible. And I've had people tell me that they want to choose a new family, but feel guilty thinking about it. As if adoption doesn't bring enough feelings of guilt by itself.
I don't know the answer – there are a lot of people who work in child welfare who believe the best outcome is for siblings to be together based on research. If that's not what the first parent wants, is that really the best practice?