Guest Post: Not Too Much to Ask For

This post is from a guest blogger, Molli, and we’re really glad to have heard from her. People in our lives often let us down in unanticipated ways, and adoptive families are not an exception. How do you feel when people are not living up to their end of the deal? Is it a different feeling than when it happens with a family member or close friend? 

When I made the decision to give my little girl up in 1999, it was very difficult. I went over lots and lots of family albums with my social worker. There were so many families to chose from and so many different options — religion, open/closed adoption, pictures every year or every 6 months, other kids or no kids, etc.

Then I finally found the perfect family. The choice I made I was happy with. Religion, pictures etc. In the beginning, I had built a pretty good relationship with the adopting parents. They came to a couple of the doctor visits and also came to the hospital to see me when I had given birth to their new baby daughter. The first year I had received letters and pictures every 6 months. I had even received a wonderful heart locket.

But as the last few years have passed, it seems as if they just don’t have the time to sit down and choose a few pictures and write a letter to me. It’s like pulling teeth to get it. I just don’t understand. I mean we bless this family and give them the most wonderful gift ever, and they can’t even keep their long term commitment with me, the birth mom. All it takes is 1 hour every 6 months. Not too much to ask for.

I don’t want to look at it as a a bad decision. I know she is well taken care of, but they are leaving me no option. A promise is a promise. Please help me to understand this situation.

2 Responses to “Guest Post: Not Too Much to Ask For”

  1. Shana Hamrick

    I’m sorry you are feeling frustrated. I too have dealt with this issue.
    I try to remind myself that it is just as hard for my sons’ adoptive mother to write to me as it is for me to write to her. The subject is painful for us all.
    Maybe a Christmas card from you to her would help get the ball in motion again. ( I need to do this too, I’m still waiting on my update from October!)Remind her how very much you look forward to receiving those updates, and how important it is for you to know whats going on with your daughter, and be patient with them, it is hard to find quiet time in order to write a letter with children. I’m sure they mean well and would never disrespect you in any way on purpose.
    Anyway… hang in there… you are not alone…
    Happy Holidays!!

  2. I think Shana brings up a good point – there probably is some underlying reason for why the family is not sending their updates. It’s probably not just about finding the time to do it. There are a lot of emotions that go along with adoption…and sometimes we’re not so good at identifying them to go past them. I like Shana’s idea of sending a card to let the family know how much the updates mean to you.

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>