Guest Post: Coming to a “Happy Place” In It All

From a special guest blogger, Shana, sharing her experience. 

I just want to say a big heartfelt Thank You to the folks who are trying  so hard to understand and be supportive of the experience of being a birthparent. I have found this to be without a doubt the most difficult and yet positive part of my life. My son was placed through Adoptions Together 9 years ago (wow that is hard to believe it has already been that long). He was placed in a very loving home with wonderful parents who have helped me so much in more ways than they will ever know. I have really run the whole spectrum of emotions in the last 9 years and I feel like I have finally come to a “happy place” in it all.

Sometimes outsiders mean well but they really are just ignorant on the subject. Face it folks, how many of you know more than two people who have shared in this experience, from the same point of view? I learned a long time ago to forgive their words for they know not what they do. The phrase “I could never give up my baby,” well we’ve all heard it, countless times, when in truth no one really knows what they would or wouldn’t do until the situation really does show up in your life.

I never thought I would have the strength or courage that I found in myself when God blessed me with the honor of helping to complete someone else’s family.  I believe everything happens for a reason. And I believe that I was meant to share in their family. I know that my life took the turns onto the paths it did to pave the way for the completion of their family. I didn’t expect it, wasn’t prepared for it, but looking back on it now, I was so truly blessed by it.

Make no mistake that sometimes it is very difficult but aren’t all things worth doing that way?

I still wonder how I will tell my daughters one day that they have a brother. I wonder if my son will one day wrap his arms around me the way they do. I long to have him tell me he understands, and that he loves me too. I hope one day he does. I hope one day I get the chance to thank his Mommy and Daddy, and to tell them how special I think they are.

The thoughts go on and on, but the pain has turned to pride!!

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3 Responses to “Guest Post: Coming to a “Happy Place” In It All”

  1. Shana, What an amazing story – you have such a wise and centered perspective. This is what I hope for anyone going through this – coming through the process with a sense of meaning to it all. I bet your son’s parents are thankful to you too.

  2. Wow your story is amazing and I understand how you feel. I know that I’m just getting used to it; But it has taught me a lot and I’m even helping people. And it makes me feel so good to know that I’m helping another, and its wonderful. i bet your son is thinking about you everyday as much has you think about him and you have heart and courage and I respect that. it does take a mature and strong person and something like this will bring everyone far.

  3. Thank you. It sure is a process, and I have learned that it changes everyday. For a long time I couldn’t discuss it at all without crying, but I have since learned that most of that was due to guilt. I finally let go of the guilt and embraced the honor. My husband was the foundation for that realazation. If anyone trys to make you feel guilty (some do without realizing it,) just breathe, and walk away. I finally did, but that is really a long story!!

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