Blog Roll

As the end of the school year draws near, thoughts turn to more carefree days and summer vacation plans.  Foster families often ask me if they should include foster children in their family vacation plans, or if it is better for foster children to stay home.  Children in foster care should be considered part of the family, and as such, it is a good idea to take them on family vacations when feasible and appropriate.  At the same time, there might be special circumstances where taking a foster child on a family vacation may not be in the best interest of the child or the foster family.  If you are in the midst of vacation planning and are not sure what to do, here are some factors to consider....

As Mother’s Day approaches and we contemplate getting breakfast in bed, a  dinner out, or a hand made card, it is useful to reflect on where we are and where we’ve been. It is good to give ourselves a lot of credit for all that we do and have done  for our children to counteract all those times when we feel that we are not doing well enough.  We wonder if we are spending or have spent (even if we have adult children) too much time just trying to get through the day (and sometimes the next 10 minutes) and not enough time creating meaningful experiences that help our children thrive.   Oftentimes, we compare ourselves to some sort of perfect parent who never struggles to just get through the day, or until her child is in bed at night, or is toilet trained, or graduates from high school.

Triggers, Trauma and the Brain

Erica Moltz, MA, NCC

Clinical Director



Children may behave in ways that parents find strange or upsetting. For children who have experienced abuse, neglect and/or have been adopted, it can be especially hard to know if a child’s “challenging” behavior is part of being a kid, or if it is related to past traumas and adoption. Here is some info about trauma and triggers and how they affect the human brain and behavior.

What is trauma?

Trauma occurs when someone hears, witnesses or experiences an event that is life threatening, violent or unexpected. In response, he or she feels overwhelmed, helpless and out of control. A trauma can be witnessing violence or a crime, or it may be abuse/neglect. Separation from birth parents can also be traumatic. 

 

What does it mean when my child is triggered?

Triggers are things that remind people of traumatic events and bring...

Effective Methods of Discipline: Why Spanking Doesn’t Work

Back in the day, it was not uncommon to hear about children being spanked as a means of punishment.   Some adults who were spanked as children say that since they turned out fine, there must not be anything wrong with physical punishment for inappropriate behavior. 

We now know, however, that there are many reasons why any type of corporal punishment should NEVER be used.  In addition to the fact that it is now considered to be a form of child abuse, which may be punishable by law in some states, it is also now widely understood that it is completely ineffective in teaching children more appropriate behavior, self control and good decision making.  Adoptive parents are required to sign a document stating that they will never use any form of corporal punishment with their child.

In addition to the legal ramifications, the following are additional reasons why physical punishment is ineffective...

Easing Home Study Anxiety

 

Prospective adoptive parents can feel quite anxious about meeting with a social worker during the home study process. What will she think of us? Is it okay to talk about the challenges we have faced? Will she examine our home with white gloves?







 What is a home study?

A “home study” refers to the process of interviews with a social worker and providing documentation to demonstrate your readiness to be a suitable parent to an adopted child.  In addition, the term “home study” refers to the written document that is a result of that process. The home study is required for most types of adoption.

o    If you are adopting a child being placed by an agency, the agency will require the home study.

o   If you are adopting a child from out of state, the Interstate Compact...

The Miracle of Sleep: Tips for You and Your Baby

Laura Teeter, LCSW, Family Specialist, Domestic Infant Program

The first several weeks home with your baby are often consumed with the simple, yet demanding task of responding to the needs of the new little person in your life.  Typically, your days will be dominated by feedings, changing diapers, and negotiating sleep when and wherever possible!  If your baby has been in a temporary foster home, you may already know what to expect in terms of a routine.  Even then, that routine can change once you are all settled in together.  Achieving a healthy amount of sleep is important for you and your baby.  Here we hope to share some tips for getting your baby to sleep and helping him/her sleep longer and more soundly.    

1.       Have realistic (and flexible) expectations.   It is good to keep in mind that specific patterns are very developmentally appropriate .

*     0-3 months:  Typically sleep 18 hours out of 24, in 2-4 hour stretches.

...

Involving Teens in Permanency Planning

Written By: Angela K. Neal

Permanency Specialist, Baltimore City Family Find Project

As a Permanency Specialist who works primarily with teenagers, I have developed some useful skills for effectively involving teens in permanency planning.   But, before I delve into a discussion about permanency and teens, I think it is beneficial to first define what I mean by permanency.

Within the context of child welfare, permanency is achieved when a child or youth has a life-long connection with an adult who assumes a caregiver role.  Some child welfare practitioners define permanency as simply a “forever home”.  By definition, permanency is not transient, and arguably the most important component of permanency is an unconditional commitment to a child or youth. 

Initially, permanency planning efforts focus on reunifying children with their birth parents; however, if it becomes evident that the birth parents are unable to consistently provide a safe...

Jennifer L. Kelman, Ph.D.

Director of Education and Training

Adoption can be a complicated issue to discuss and should be viewed as a lifelong conversation that evolves over time.  Many adoptive parents worry about how to talk with their children and teens about adoption in a way that is honest, supportive and developmentally appropriate.  Because I work in the field, discussion about adoption has always been a very natural, normal part of our every day existence.  Beyond the work connection, our status as a conspicuous adoptive family has afforded additional opportunities to discuss and normalize adoption.  My blonde hair and fair skin provides a sharp contrast to the dark hair and olive skin of my two children, so questions and comments from outsiders are not uncommon. 

By the time my children were in elementary school, there had been numerous conversations about why birth parents might choose to make an adoption plan, and why adoptive parents choose to build their family through adoption. ...

Art activities exist on a continuum from simple activities that you can do at home to art therapy with a licensed professional.   It is appropriate for children with a wide range of skills and abilities, and there is no one right way.  Few would argue with the fact that artistic pursuits spark creativity, enhance imagination, and encourage self expression in children.   Beyond this, art can also play an important role in the development of cognitive, motor, language, and social/emotional development.   For example, painting and drawing help children develop fine motor skills, while creating a clay sculpture hones perceptual, planning and spatial abilities.

Finally, you have so many decisions out of the way.  After much deliberation, you’ve decided to adopt an infant or an older child and pursue domestic or international adoption.  You’re adopting privately, going through an agency, or adopting from the foster care system. You have successfully navigated the stressful world of the home study replete with many questions from a social worker during several home visits, collected numerous documents, got fingerprinted, divulged information about your personal finances, and participated in mandatory pre-adoption training. You thought the hoops you had to jump through would never end, but at long last you have an approved home study.

For many folks, the hardest part begins now when there is nothing to do but wait and you have no idea how long you will be waiting.  There are still so many unknowns.  You are told that you will eventually adopt the perfect child for your family, but how do you believe that when you don’t know when that will happen?  You are told that the waiting is like a “pregnancy” but there is no end in sight and what do you tell your employer about when you will be taking maternity/paternity leave?  You are uncertain about whether readying your home for a child will help keep the hope alive or be a painful reminder that there is no child in the empty room.  You were willing to talk to family and friends throughout the home study to get their support and references from them; but how much do you count on them to understand what you are going through?